What constitutes a fortunate son? For my brother John, it was a judge and a pediatrician in Rockford, Illinois in 1953. The two men knew and admired my parents. The story of John the infant and the parental abuse is not to be told here, it’s a bit personal, but the rest of his life came with love and affection. He became a fortunate son through adoption. No silver spoon. John joined the Air Force in January 1975, three years out of high school. He committed suicide in May of that same year. Put a gun to his head while seated in the car my parents gave him as a wedding present. I know exactly what suicide looks like. In those days, detectives took Polaroids of such scenes. The negatives were dropped and left, face up, onto the floorboard behind the driver’s seat. The detectives put a blanket over the car so my mother could not see inside but someone had to move the car from the parking lot. Someone had to clear out my brother’s things. My father never recovered, not fully.
Our doctor-friend told my mother that parents whose children die will either divorce or the death will slowly kill them, cause physical damage manifested in cancer. maybe heart disease. Momma and Daddy were determined not to let tragedy destroy their relationship. When Daddy died less than 15 years later, I realized he’d fulfilled the second part of Dr. Kutait’s prophecy.
My Aunt Alice committed suicide when I was in the sixth grade. Those were the days of Western Union telegrams. My mother knew about war department telegrams, the 1900s all too familiar scene etched permanently into the memories of many Americans. A mid-day telegram on a warm summer afternoon in Arkansas in 1966 did not bring joy, I could almost taste dismay as the doorbell rang and my mother slowly accepted the envelope.
I salute Momma for living to 92. She didn’t want to outlive my father by 20 years. She was not able to bear outliving her daughter, her son, and her beloved Robert. I never doubted her total devotion to me and my family — it was what sustained her. We adored each other and for 20 years, that was enough.
