Categotry Archives: Creative Non-Fiction

Recognizing rules and limitations

I learned to apply Cesar Milan’s dog rehabilitation techniques to humans. To be calm and assertive… it works out well, most of time. Other lessons I’ve learned this year: Don’t believe a fellow who tells you not to tell anybody. There is no such thing as an inside tip. If it’s inside, it stays inside; if it’s told, it’s outside. Gypsters don’t confide secrets. Don’t believe her because she is a woman. There are successful saleswomen who wear jewels and […]

300 Pound Jaywalker in a Blonde Wig

A Beaufort County commissioner was heard allegedly bullying a 911 dispatcher. Here is the entire recorded conversation: Dispatcher: “Beaufort County 911, where is your emergency? Hello?” Hood Richardson: “Round black woman walking down the middle of the…” Dispatcher: “You saw a…” Hood Richardson: Inaudible Dispatcher: “You saw a black woman walking down the middle of the street?” Hood Richardson: “Hello?” Dispatcher: “Yes, this is the Sheriff’s Office. Can I help you?” Hood Richardson: “You’ve got a 300-pound black woman walking […]

IUOMA Novel – collaborative work?

There’s a video of the collaborative novel’s progress thus far. oops, I lied, the link died, let me see if I can repair it. This is an update post and the update isn’t functioning. Read on, it will mayhaps become interesting. If the video is not available, we have incredibly wonderful options. My dad loved Dean Martin. My mom thought Frank Sinatra was a punk. Really. She said that, Ruth did. I admit to listening to Sinatra but I hate to […]

Holler. Hollerin’. Yelling too.

holler: [v] bawl, call, cheer, complain, cry, hoot, howl, roar, scream, screech, shriek, shrill, squawk, squeal, ululate, vociferate, wail, whoop, yap, yelp:  Roget’s Thesaurus [or the sound one makes when one makes a high score on BeeBabyGames.] I’ve told you about the Pantego Mud Run, one community’s answer to fund raising for their volunteer fire department. Driving through a mud pit might be lucrative fun, but Spivey’s Corner, North Carolina, [population 49?] sponsors the self-proclaimed National Hollerin’ Contest, a fire department fund raising […]

Dinah’s Landing

Take every mosquito joke you’ve ever heard and rest assured, it originated in eastern North Carolina. There are two kinds of mosquitoes: the ones that are small enough to fit through the holes in screen doors and the big ones — those that open the door and step on in. This is a place where men leave their NASCAR caps on during a funeral service, women frequently sport prison tattoos, and the illiteracy rate is 60 percent. Unemployment rates are among the highest in the state.

Oh yes, he did. Bee Baby Games

  I created BeeBaby a while back. It seemed a simple creation. An assemblage inspired by a headless yard ornament and a doll baby given to me by my almost 100 year old neighbor Velma. Not an” almost neighbor”, although now she’s a neighbor of memory, but “almost 100 years old” at the time. Robert turned BeeBaby into an app. An odd game  using my assemblage art. We’ll make more games. Check out BeeBabyGames.com . It’s just a beginning. Soon […]

The Pantego Mud Run

Volunteer fire departments, especially rural ones, often have to resort to some creative fund raising activities. Turkey shoots are a real popular cash cow. No, they don’t actually shoot birds, they compete for accuracy shooting at targets. Winner gets a cash prize. And there are fish fries and pig pickin’s (barbeque). Dinner goes for about $5 a “plate”, as they call them, even though they’re served in Styrofoam tri-sectioned containers. Plate sales reach epic proportions during lunchtime when volunteers will […]

Close Your Eyes and Remember #1

Close your eyes. Think on this. Imagine the Seventh Grade back when we had Junior High Schools. (If you’re too young to do this — you can still read on, just think back to your youngest teenage years.) Not middle schools. Back when the US still had a designated involuntary delineation of time called “Junior High “, 7th – 9th grades were completed and then you entered High School as a sophomore for 10th – 12th grades of study. Do […]

Close Your Eyes and Remember #2

Seventh Grade and Gym Class Junior High Girl’s Gym Class. I had it second period. Yes, at 9:30 a.m. we were supposed to strip out of our clothes, put on over-sized blue cotton shorts and a button-up peter pan collared cotton shirt and thick white socks and Keds. White Keds. Then we were expected to play softball, exercise, run track, for 45 minutes, come back into the locker room, take a shower in stalls with no curtains or doors, get […]

Rules for the Hammock Patrol

Found in a pile of ephemera: Harvey Boyd – President Kenny L. Ashley – Vice-President Bud Hans – Scribe Gerald Glover – Treasurer 1. No smoking in hammock. 2. No burning of or lighting matches or candles. 3. 20 cents a month dues 4. Not more than 1 man sleeping in the hammock. 5. Ever member own his own hammock. 6. Every new member must demonstrate correctly how to pitch his hammock. 7. Vote on every new member to come […]