Author Archives: Val

Opiates and Nipples

Genitalia Discussion, Anyone? Oh, wait! First a news flash. I had to sign a Pain Contract with my new internist. New contract meant a piss test. So I gave them my sample and get this — the nurse called me to let me know I “passed my drug test”. “Well, hot damn!” I told her, “I kinda’ thought I would.” Fortunately, being me, this 61 year old, looks-like middle-class educated white woman schtick I do pays off with repartee’ and comedy […]

The Effects Begin … Opiate Withdrawal

Getting off of Oxycontin is about rewiring your brain. It’s about neural pathways. While wiring for nicotine might sound stupid, it’s not as dumb as it sounds. A pleasure neural pathway … in a bit, there will be scientific explanations of this neural rewrite but let me tell you how it really feels.

Dismissal from The Pain Clinic

It’s hard to describe what it feels like to be dismissed from a facility I’d been part of for over four years. Dr. Smith administered steroid injections, he prescribed my pain management protocol and above all — he was approachable and humorous. Once he remarked “You’re the only patient I have that knows how to read, there’s no one to show it to” when I tried to comment on a New York Times article I’d recently read about how to rate […]

And we’re close to getting Thomas’s Recipe … read on.

It’s hard to describe what it feels like to be dismissed from a facility I’d been part of for over four years. Dr. Smith administered steroid injections, he prescribed my pain management protocol and above all — he was approachable and humorous. Once he remarked “You’re the only patient I have that knows how to read, there’s no one to show it to” when I tried to comment on a New York Times article I’d recently read about how to rate pain. I considered my relationship with his staff to be above the cordial receptionist-nurse to patient repartee.

Second Verse, Different from the first …

and so the story continues, if you don’t read these posts in reverse order, there might be a bit of confusion, so go back to July 18, 2016 and start there, moving toward each post. BEGIN: Oxycontin, the patent-protected time-release pain medication and its kissing cousin, oxycodone the generic non-time-release, had only been around since 1995. Was there really enough research on long-term use? Back to the scene, me on the bed, a pinch of stomach gut in my hand, getting […]

Kicking Opiates After a Decade of Use

I was 60 years old at the time, just a few weeks shy of my 61st birthday. Planning to live at at least 80 (statistical possibility for sure), I glimpsed myself shooting up, in my gut, for 20 more years. Or what? What else was the Oxycontin going to shut down? It already rewrote my neural pathways, trying to subvert my pain into reasonable bits allowing me to function — or so I thought. It shut down my intestines. What was next? My liver? My kidneys?

Dogs are healthy and hearty — hale and all that!

Thompson is keeping food down again. He was throwing up every meal, no matter what I fed him. At 15, it’s rough to be a Jack Russell and try to keep up with the 3 year old Monkey Dogs (part feist, part ? but Zooeybutt really looks like a miniature pit bull, very funny — obviously she’s not but one day someone stopped me to ask what breed? and I said mini-pit and she believed me. Duh. Not true.) Anyway, […]

GoFundMe campaign to feed my strays

Help me feed my dogs through August 2016 go to gofundme.com/crashmacewan or see widget on left for link started a $500 go fund me campaign for my dogs. I’m not sure what else to say, it’s all on the site

If you don’t do it every day, you are damned to extinction.

Wear real clothes and change out of what you slept in — into clean clothes. Even if you don’t think you need to do it, take a shower.

The All Day Song of Pancakes

McSweeney’s Internet Tendency finds necessary the tracking of the whereabouts of Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Way and requests reports of sightings of the ersatz couple. Obviously the two attempted to enter eastern NC via the Roanoke River but this writer will not reveal the true whereabouts here, on this website, as the current tracking requires sightings be recorded via email through the customerservice area of the website. Why am I telling you this? Dear friends, as we shift on our […]