Lately I’ve found myself search­ing for the cor­rect machin­ery in which to com­plete my daily activ­i­ties. Hav­ing the flu or some sim­i­lar afflic­tion has greatly dimin­ished my capac­ity for enjoy­ment, nay I say enter­tain­ment, of any moment. I find perus­ing the far reaches of print gives me some respite. Then I dis­cov­ered Dr. Grordbort’s book, which I shall order upon recov­ery from this evil foul plague which has invaded my body parts.

Some peo­ple find steam­punk now. I found steam­punk THEN. Been a punk my whole life. This is not to sug­gest new punks are not good punks, it is merely one must allow sim­ply this: there’s no punk like an old punk. My new favorite web­site is Dr. Grordbort’s. Feast your eyes upon its mar­vels. Greg Broad­more is of a genius-​level beyond com­pre­hen­sion of this flu-​addled brain. I will write more about him when I can a.)breath again, b.)think once more and c.)function on a more human-​scale method of liv­ing (as in this virus is wear­ing me down, Clax­ton, get me some C and B is sub lin­gual form)

Doc­tor Grordbort’s Con­tra­pu­la­tronic Din­gus Direc­tory (Cat­a­logue Edi­tion) by Greg Broad­more.

The Ama­zon review of Broadmore’s book makes me want it badly.

When the Mar­t­ian inva­sion of 2005 started, I found myself say­ing “If only I had a weapon capa­ble of melt­ing these Mar­t­ian mani­acs into a gelati­nous blob!” Sim­i­larly, the Plu­ton­ian appear­ance of 1999 (and sub­se­quent elec­tion to the US pres­i­dency) elicited cries of “Give me a Weapon of extreme destruction!”

No more.

The fore­sighted Dr Grod­bort has cre­ated a line of weaponry that makes the most unhinged mem­bers of our earth mil­i­tary orga­ni­za­tions gig­gle with delight. Not so only the unhinged, but also mem­bers of every coun­try, state, and ser­vice group can pur­chase weaponry such as the Goliathon 83, the Lazo­plod 300, the Fal­coner 6000, and the Destrox­u­lonic Plo­sive Force De-​Stablisizer. The hum drum Smith and Wes­son, our old fash­ioned 45 Peace­maker, and even the clas­sic Win­ches­ter 73 are no more. Why merely pen­e­trate when we can per­co­late the trans­gres­sors, tres­passers, and insti­ga­tors of our lives?

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